In the meantime, and Stratics...

So if you have read my other blog by now, you have found out that I am currently a staff member writing about EQ2 for Stratics. So.. how can I possibly be of any help there when I am no longer playing? Well, tons of screenies and past experience with the inital stuff of course. There is plenty for me to write about. Weather it be pets (funnily enough, I haven't written about yet) or past experiences raiding, or walkthrus... I am seriously surprised how much I remember from back in the day. However, since I was at one time completely and totally immersed in the world of Norrath, I do what I can for them.
I talked to Soulgrinder a little bit ago. I am glad that he is doing well.
I heard that alot of people dropped from Malice . People just stopped logging on or had their issues. Found it hard to believe, but some people's egos got even bigger than before. It seems that the drama never stops in high end guilds.
Soul is a sweet guy though. He does his wand waveing, takes his loot, and gets out of there. He's one of those guys that just is fairly quiet about things.. he just doesn't want to get involved in all the drama and things.
I can't blame him. Part of me wishes it had been that easy. Of course, it wasn't. People that were once nice pulled 180's. It is truly sad. But, it doesn't surprise me. The high end game is nothing but a reach for the highest tops, and I just stood in the way for some people.
Things are much happier here now. I do my stories every once in awhile for Stratics, but most of the time I am relaxing with my family.
Anj and I are looking forward to our future... we have a baby girl due in April, and plans to possibly move somewhere else in order to have a bigger place to raise our ever growing family. We try not to think of the past memories as much. We mention our good travels in Norrath, but not to think about the rest. We will briefly mention how they butchered our classes to all submission.. and how if they hadn't done that, then perhaps we would have still been playing.
I got a newsletter from Sony about some of the new changes that they are going to put into place. They are finally caveing in, and going to allow full scale PVP servers. Man, am I glad that I got out when I did. Oye.

eh... ?

Well, no surprise, but there were no responses to what I posted. Makes me feel so very loved. So, oh well, fuck em I spose. There are a few people in there that I have respect for, but the rest have lost it completely. How easy it is for them to just dispose of me. Shows how much they actually apreciated the dedication and time and sacrifices I put out.
I do feel bad about Liz though. In my heart, I feel I should turn over Lok because of the circumstances.. but also because of this Malice thing, I just can't bring myself to do it. Am I a bad person because after all the bullshit I was put through by them, that I just have reservations? It wasn't like when I got them, that it was said, "only if you come with." But at the same time, I know he only did it for me because I was a friend.
I feel bad because we have put some time and money into the characters themselves... almost 200$ with just the transfers and the expansion....
Gah, I just don't know what to do for now. The account is closed anyway. I couldn't log in if I wanted to. I just really have no desire to play that game anymore.. or run into people who think they are God's gift to the e-world they live in. Let them be kings there.. the real world is treating me much better than that one ever did... I guess hindsight is, that if I was going to continue playing after the whole Miv fiasco, I should've just stayed on Mistmoore and reformed my own guild.
Anyways, just got some awesome news from Chicago (besides the White Sox winning game 1 that is lol).. I'm going to go now and enjoy the real world again.

My formal goodbye to Malice-as posted to their site 10/19/05

Well, I will post and expect this to be deleted as quickly as it was written, but here goes...
When my character was logged in while I was out of town, here's what happened.

To put an end to any rumor mill, no I did not, nor do I ever intend to give away and/or sell my characters. That's something that my husband and I have stood true to, as our characters live and die as we do... we just can't put a price on the time, effort, etc that we went through when we played our characters. This is just us, though we do understand also why people chose to do that themselves. This is just us.

Anyway, with that said, here is what happened more in depth. When I went to a friend's house during my trip, another friend of mine has a little brother, who happened to be playing EQ2. He's about idk 12 or so. Circumstances happened that when I arrived to my friends house, she had to make an emergency run to pick/drop someone off-- she is 7 months pregnant and carries some responsibility for her immediate family, etc.

So anyways, the little brother is low level and we started talking about Cyren. He had made mention that he would like to see her. Towards the end of my visit, I conceeded. I logged in on their computer for him to look around at my house and walk around through DoF and other zones without the worry of being killed in 2 secs flat. He had not downloaded the expansion, though he had bought it already, and since it was also loading that account on that computer for the first time, as well as not the fastest connections, it was going to be awhile before it would be ready to be logged in. At this point, it was getting late, and I didn't want to wait there anymore-- my kids were tired and so were both me and my fellow pregnant friend. So, I left the downloading/updating continue go on as I left. I told him not to talk to anyone unless it was a gm, to look around as he wanted, not talk in /gu, and be respectful. Of course he is just a kid.. and as I found out when I returned from a friend, he (the little brother) apparently had said some things that weren't cool. For that, I apologize. I did not want that to happen, and hense, have also bitched out the other friend about their little brother's actions.

Now, I will say that I guess, as it turns out, the parting of ways for us has been a mixed blessing. I had come to a point in the game where I just wasn't happy. I really needed more than ever to put my family first, and it became evident more and more by the day that it had not been happening like it should have. And with another baby on the way, and the things that are involved with it, I guess perhaps I was kidding myself in thinking that I would keep up with what was needed for the guild from me. This is probably the best thing for everyone I am sure. I hated argueing, and was depressed for a long time over things-- some of you, I have vented to, and know.. others saw the ugly side of me. Again, I apologize for my actions, and the actions of others that have led us to part ways. There were some very good times along the way. With the good, there is bad, but I can honestly say that I had a good time for the most part.
I wish you all the best of luck in all that you do.. in life, game, and otherwise.

Oh, and I'm going to post a few pictures from my sister's wedding on another thread-- Ethan had a frohawk, he looked really cute.

Again, no hard feelings and I wish you all the best of luck in all that you do.. in life, game, and otherwise.

Jen

The end of an era, an uncertain future ahead

Well, a lot has happened since that transfer here to Grobb, and leaving Lost. I had a pretty good time with this guild called Malice that I joined with Moribund and Lizardling. It was great for awhile. I was with my friends. There were times throughout my time with Malice, that other fellow former "Lost" people/friends would come and join. However, many of them would decide to go on to other things, and in one particular case, even go back to Mistmoore. The short summation of things is that while I did enjoy being in one of the top raiding guilds in the world, I always felt as if there was something missing. For a long time, I turned to housing. On Grobb, with Malice being the best guild on the server, it also had some downsides. Well, it is true that there are always a few bad apples, and with that of course, it means ruining it for good ones. I tried hard to make new friends and send good karma out. It worked and yet it did not. Oftentimes I found myself alone with no one to talk to. I felt so alone there.. when I came originally to be with friends. They had found their own paths, and I guess, we all probably changed a little bit.
So, over time, I realized some things. I realized that my family really needed to come before the guild. It seemed at times in my eyes, that they were ungrateful for the lengths of sacrifice that I had gone through. I got a little tired of hearing the same thing. The continueous ego strokeing that went on. It had made me feel like crap long enough.
A big fiasco happened. The short of it, is that people were not happy that I chose to level and spend the time Anj had off with him. They didn't seem to understand/care, that I was doing what I had always done, and was now more than ever going to stick to my morals and put my family first.
I was really depressed. I felt really hurt and betrayed by it. I don't blame them completely though. I know for many of them, this game is all that they have. I guess, perhaps it might not feel very good to some of them that I have many things that they could only dream to have someday... a loving family (and not just my parents=p), not having to work or do things around the house, being spoiled rotten by someone of the opposite sex, being really LOVED...
I know that I am lucky to have these things.
I decided to step back then. I didn't know if I was going to quit all together at that moment or if I was going to leave the guild. I left a leave of absense. They rushed their way quickly to 60. Me? Actually, I guess I really could care less. The time away from the game has done me so much good. I play WoW casually with Anj still. I haven't decided weather or not I plan to cancel my EQ2 account because I got a position writing for Stratics. To be honest, we aren't too happy about the combat changes. I am not too happy with the feelings that it had left me from these guild experiences. But, no matter how hard you try, it will never be good enough for some people. I told them I had a wedding and things to take care of because I was pregnant, etc. When I came home from the trip, I found that I had been booted from the guild. Go figure, I was going to try and be the bigger person and just suck it up... I guess things have a way of working themselves out though.

I have been backstabbed, betrayed, verbally and emotionally abused... I don't need a game to make me feel like that. Hell, I don't need ANYTHING to make me feel like that.

So now marks the end of an era. I can honestly say that I have experienced the high end game. Unfortunately, you get to meet people that many would not normally associate with if they didn't have to. I am glad that I had met the people I did to make the game happy. I guess I just wish I had what I'd had on Mistmoore.. I probably never should have left my great reputation there, with some of the nicest people thusfar. There were good ones on Grobb and other servers, and bad ones too of course. But those good ones really made the game fun.
Here's to the end of an era, and an uncertain future ahead... for the first time in a long time, I feel like I am making the best decision.

Goodbye Lost

As Many of you now know, the below is just a little bit of an example as to how a guild leader should not be treating anyone, let alone a female.

Recently, I have been experienceing so much going on in my head. A few weeks ago now, one of my friends, Lizardling told me in confidence that he was considering moving servers. Over the past few months, I'd seen the rollarcoaster that is the high end guild. Lizardling decided to leave with another friend of mine, Moribund. We had been with the guild a long time together, and become all very tight nit close friends. Hell, I talk to many of them everyday now even more so than I had done when I was in Lost.

It was at that point when they had told me that they were leaving, that the time had come. I thought about it and turned to my "friend". Instead of being supportive of my decision to leave the server, he instead did the opposite. He yelled at me. He called me a liar. He called me many filthy things. It was my fault things weren't going the way he'd wanted... It was my fault we didn't have the people on when we needed them. Yadda yadda yadda

I decided it was time. I'd dealt with his harrassment and callousness and rudeness longer than I could bear. Was he really my friend? No of course not, because you don't do that to people you care about.

So here I am, I decided to start a fresh start on Grobb.

It made me very sad to leave the guild and people that I'd put so much of my heart and soul into.. but it only gave the clearer picture as to who my real friends really were. Amazeingly, when I left, for the most part, I was crying tears of happiness for all the wonderful things those guys had to say. It made me feel good... relieved that a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders.

In recourse, I also saw the true horrible faces of some people whom I'd thought were my friends...

Oh well, it's all behind me now

Goodbye Lost, Hello Malice

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See ya!

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